Friday, August 26, 2011

A New Yorker's Guide to Hurricane Preparedness

Hurricane Irene appears to be heading this way so I'm taking a time out from ranting and raving about the idiots in Washington to write a Hurricane Preparedness List for all of my fellow New Yorkers who haven't experienced a hurricane.

1. Check the hurricane evacuation page to see if you're in a flood zone. If the system is too bogged down with traffic (it was earlier this morning) check the map below. If you are in a flood zone, go to step 2. If not in a flood zone, skip to step 5.

2. Find a friend who doesn't live in a flood zone whose place you can crash at. The bigger and nicer the apartment the better.

3. Pack a bag of necessities (necessary) and family heirlooms you don't want to get waterlogged (less important if you're not in a basement or 1st floor apartment).

4. Stop by liquor store on your way to your friend's house. It's nice to show gratitude. The provisions and whatnot are now your friend's responsibility. Take advantage of their good nature and foresight not to buy an apartment in a flood zone. Go to step 12.

5. Fill up the bathtub with water. Remember how nasty it was when the sewer backed up in your building's basement? Imagine that in your apartment. You need the water to flush the toilet in case of a power outage.

6. Fill up all available containers with tap water. You'll need drinking water in case of a power outage. Fortunately, our tap water is so damn good you don't need to buy bottled water like those suckers in other cities that are going to get hammered.

7. Order groceries from Fresh Direct. No sense in wasting time leaving your apartment to get provisions. Snacks and non-perishibles are probably best. Fridge will likely go down.

8. Download flashlight app for smart phone. For iphone/ipad. For android. For blackberry. If you're using another operating system, go to step 9. If not, skip to step 10.

9. Go to local service provider to upgrade to an iphone, android, or blackberry.

10. Charge your smartphone, laptop, and any other portable electronics you may want to use during the likely power outage. For example, I'm charging my Roomba.

11. Do laundry. This could be problematic later if your building's laundry room is in the basement or if you use a laundromat nearby. And it's important to have appropriate clothes for #12.

12. Plan a Hurricane Party. It's an old southern tradition to throw a hurricane party if you're not really in a danger zone. The best locale for a party is going to be a tall building with great views so you can watch nature's fury from the safety of an overpriced condo.

13. Set up a time lapse of the storm to post on Vimeo later. This will be the biggest hurricane in NYC in 80 years. You don't want to miss being the guy featured on gothamist for having that great idea.

14. You almost forgot to buy party provisions. If you read this whole list before submitting your fresh direct order you probably got them that way, otherwise you're stuck with a trip to the store. You probably should buy more liquor anyway - beer won't keep cool so wine or spirits are the best way to weather this storm.

15. Enjoy yourself - you're making memories. But be sure to stay safe too.

No comments:

Post a Comment